wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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