we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
