Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
