ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
