State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Your cock deserves a montage
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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