he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
