What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
