Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
