sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize