I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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