got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
