I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
