we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
