Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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