I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
