and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
