she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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