new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I looked at my own cervix.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
