It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
