He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
