OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
