That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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