hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
it's like iHOP with fire
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
