Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
This is my gift to your gina
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
