the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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