i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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