I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
