If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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