Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
