Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
