I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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