I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
