the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
