A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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