sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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