The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
