The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
