Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
