I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
