My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
