i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
