I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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