Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize