ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
