She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
