u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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