How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
