i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
