Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
