Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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