What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
