Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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