I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We had sex on a dog bed..
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize