The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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