A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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