if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize