My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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