You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
