I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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