I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my being single is dangerous.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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