You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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