god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
last night I used snow as a chaser
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
