I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
