Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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