Can i not drive my cunt home
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
