Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just tell him i said nine months
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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