I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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