he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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