You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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